Going out out
Last week, James and I went on own first “date night” since Jack has been born to our friends, Laura and Tom’s wedding reception.
We’ve been out together for dinners but taken Jack with us and had date nights in with a film and a takeaway but it was the first time we had been properly out alone.
It was weird.
We had no buggy, no change bag, no Jack! It was so strange and I think we both felt for the whole evening like we’d forgotten something but actually it was really nice to just be us for a while – Abbie and James, not Mummy and Daddy.
My mum came over late afternoon meaning I could start getting myself ready so I had a bath, finally shaved my fuzzy legs (oh so smooth at last), washed and dried my hair and put on actual make up. Then I had to decide what to wear.
I wouldn’t say I have loads of clothes but I have a fair amount and as I’m the same size as I was before I was pregnant, I just figured I could wear one of the dresses I have in the wardrobe. But as I tried each one on, I realised that I am no longer the same woman who bought those dresses.
Some were far too short for someone’s mum to wear. One (which I’ve bought but never worn) was quite frankly awful and I don’t know why I ever bought it – that’s going in the Ebay pile! Others which looked great before now we’re tight over my boobs or just didn’t feel right on. And that’s when Little Miss Anxiety reared her ugly head.
Second thoughts (mine, not the brides!)
Oh I hate that little bitch. Most of the time I can shut her in the cupboard at the back of my brain but the more flustered I got trying on dresses, the time ticking away until we had to leave, the more she edged nearer and nearer ready to escape. Then I heard my Mum talking to Jack downstairs “I think you are ready for your bedtime milk aren’t you?”
So there I was, sitting on a pile of dresses on the bed wearing nothing but my pants feeding Jack, who was unusually unsettled, when Little Miss Anxiety finally freed herself and jumped out with a “Whoo Hoo, I’m baaaaack!” Suddenly, I didn’t want to go out anymore.
I had nothing to wear that didn’t make me feel self concious. I would be seeing some of my uni friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time so wanted to feel confident and together and I felt neither. I also felt uncomfortable leaving Jack at home.
I’ve left him with my Mum before without a problem but I was only ever a 5 or 10 minute drive away. The wedding was maybe 20 mins away in the middle of no where and for some reason I got it into my head that we would get into a car accident whilst travelling and we would leave Jack an orphan. I started to think that Jack being unsettled was a warning sign that we shouldn’t go and was making up silly scenarios in my head – an aeroplane or helicopter might crash into our house whilst we were out, a fire would break out and my Mum wouldn’t be able to get to Jack, burglars would take him – really random stupid things. I got so worked up I started to cry which was just ridiculous but that’s what I’m like when LMA is around.
Luckily, my Mum is AMAZING at dealing with my funny five minutes’. She’s a Relax Kids coach (I will get her to do a guest post one day explaining about it) so teaches children and adults mindfulness and relaxation techniques and ways to deal with anxiety. She soon sorted me out and after some deep breathing exercises, LMA was on her way back to the cupboard and I found a dress that would do.
I am so glad I didn’t give in to my anxiety as we had a great evening. I had a cocktail in a can on the way (because I am a classy bird like that and it had been sitting in the fridge waiting for me to drink it for months!) and James and I listened to some 90s and naughties tunes really loudly in the car. When we got there, Laura looked absolutely beautiful in her dress and her and Tom were having a lovely day. The venue was gorgeous as it always is (Cooling Castle Barn if you are interested) and everyone was in high spirits.
We spent the evening in good company with some great conversations about babies (obviously), work, Doctor Who theories, uni days – the usual stuff! The food was delicious, the drinks on tab (not that I drank any more alcohol, one is plenty for me as I’m not a big drinker and obviously still breastfeeding) and they had a band which was really good! We pulled silly faces in the photo booth, ate sweets from the sweet table, put on silly hats (I love a fez!) and I danced and danced! Considering I hadn’t worn them for way over a year, my heels were still on when we left so that was good too! For a few hours, I was just Abbie again and not a knackered mummy covered in snot, dribble and breastmilk – it was great!
We were only there a few hours and didn’t stay late but it did James and I really good to have some time together and a bit of fun. I did miss Jack though so I was happy to see his gorgeous little face when we got home.
Anyway, Congratulations Mr and Mrs Norris, thank you for inviting us to celebrate with you! I’m so glad I went in the end and that LMA didn’t win 🙂